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Tuesday 22 September 2015

Get Unready with Me: Drunk Edition

This blog has been silent for months, and I'm not proud of that fact. I've been meaning to get back on the blogging bandwagon, but I just keep getting distracted by other things. Mostly naps.

In an attempt to revive this thing, I logged into Blogger and immediately found the following in my drafts. It is some sort of advice/get unready with me post that I wrote one time when I was drunk. I appear to be writing to an external audience, but I can tell I was really trying to write to Future Drunk Me. Though I am sure some of you can relate.

Right?



I love beauty gurus as much as the next person, and I am sure there is value in watching their ever-popular "Get Unready with Me" videos - you know the ones, where they enact the end of their day, from getting home from work to falling asleep - but ladies, I don't really need to know how you wind down on a Wednesday night. What I really need help with is how to crawl into bed on a Saturday night without feeling terrible the next day.

So in that spirit, I have compiled a series of things I think everyone should do to make their post-party nights a more pleasant experience.

1. Drink a glass of water. It's been a long night, and you've probably made a lot of bad decisions - don't add going to bed dehydrated to your list. Do yourself a favour and get some water into your person. I promise it'll be good for you.

2. Remove make up. You don't need to stick to your ten-step cleanse routine, you just need to get that crap off your face. I like to smear coconut oil on and work it into my skin. It breaks down even the most waterproof of mascaras, so that when you take a cotton pad or wash cloth to your face, everything comes clean off. Perfect for when you're too lazy to even make it to the bathroom.

3. Pajamas. Put them on. Fit in a shower if you can, but pajamas are less wet and are comfy as hell. Future you will thank you. If you know it's going to be a late night, lay your PJs out before you leave, so that drunk you many hours later can just slip out of those gross party clothes and into something snuggly. It won't mess up your bed sheets either.

4. Stop drinking. Hair of the dog is bullshit. If you're that thirsty, drink another glass of water. In fact, I hope you have a carafe of water next to your bed. Hydration is important! And maybe keep a bucket there as well, in case you throw up.

5. Go to bed! Put down your phone, close your laptop, turn off the TV. Get your drunk, tired fingers away from Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, and go to sleep before you inflict some terrible damage that could have easily been avoided had you just. stayed. offline.

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